The Love Hate Relationship We Have With Change.
We all have done it, experienced it and witnessed it. There is no escaping change, especially in therapy! Some change can be something we are looking forward to, while other changes can feel much more daunting, even if they are necessary. But what is consistent with all change is that it comes with a cost, loss and unpredictability.
I have witnessed battles with change for the better in my office everyday, for years. Then, when change wasn’t made perfectly or there was a relapse to old ways, I also bore witness to the self debasement that followed. To which I always say two things: “ What purpose is that serving?” and “ Shaming yourself through this is only going to keep you stuck.”
When you move in the direction of change, even if it’s good change, you are leaving something or someone else behind. As toxic as that thing (habit, behavior, thought patterns, etc) or person may be, we still had a relationship with it or them. They were familiar and predictable.Leaving that behind is the cost of change.
As a therapist, I see the battle with change differently. There is tremendous grief and also unpredictability in change. The very thing we want to change, we want to do so because it is hurting us in some way and in some cases, wreaking havoc on our personal lives or others. Yet, it is familiar and predictable and we know what to expect and how we will feel, even if it’s negative. One thing I have learned is that humans LOVE predictability. Ultimately, we each have a conflictual relationship with things we want to change. We want the patterns or relationship that brought us so much emotional turmoil to be gone, but suddenly we have a hard time letting go. We don’t know what the other side of this looks or feels like. Even though it may be better, it is an unknown and there is no guarantee of what we will be getting in return.
There is a vice grip on letting go of bad things on all levels from disorganization, procrastination, negative self talk to toxic relationships, overspending, working too much and how we respond to others. However, as Lori Gottlieb has written about, freedom and change are the theme here. We all believe that we have endless freedom except when it comes to our problem at hand and the story we are telling ourselves about it, and then we believe we don’t have any freedom at all. “I can’t change.” I’m unlovable.” "It's never going to change." “I’ll never be good enough.” We are trapped and we believe we can’t change because we believe our story. We look to proof from circumstances in the past and assume that it’s the circumstances that shaped our story. However, it’s quite the opposite. It’s the story that’s keeping the circumstances and outcome static. In other words, it is the story that we are telling ourselves that is keeping us trapped; nothing else. If you challenge and change the story, you will change the outcome.
So the question I will end with is what narrative is keeping you stuck and what is keeping you from re-writing your narrative?
Keep reading on to see a quick article a close colleague of mine, Lindsay Day, has written on foods that fight anxiety and depression. She is a functional nutritionist and a personal trainer who studied under Dr. Coetzee, who many of you have seen over the years. Lindsay has a wealth of knowledge in all things functional nutrition, and I will be including some articles she has written in my emails.
5 Nutrients That Fight Anxiety & Depression
Therapy gives you tools—while food gives your brain fuel.
You might not always connect your mood to your food—but what you eat deeply fuels how you feel.
The breakthroughs you make in therapy matter—it’s where you uncover what’s holding you back, learn how to shift it, and start showing up as your best self. But sometimes, even with the best mindset, it can still feel like your brain just won’t spark.
That’s where nutrition comes in.
Think of your brain like a lighter. But without lighter fluid—aka, the right nutrients—there’s just not enough fuel to keep the flame going. Just like a lighter needs lighter fluid, your brain needs specific vitamins, minerals and amino acids to "light up" and form brain chemicals (AKA neurotransmitters).
Certain nutrients, like tryptophan and tyrosine, are amino acids that are the raw materials to form neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine respectively. These are your feel-good, focus, and motivation chemicals.
Other nutrients, like B vitamins, copper, magnesium and vitamin D, act as cofactors—think of these as like factory workers helping to convert the raw materials into fully functioning mood messengers.
While your brain runs on a full cast of nutrients, these 5 steal the spotlight for their starring roles in dialing down anxiety and turning up the feel-good vibes!
1. Vitamin D: The Sunshine Vitamin That Fuels Your Mood
As the weather warms up and we spend more time outdoors, many of us feel our spirits lift. Sunshine is needed for our body to make vitamin D, which is technically more of a hormone than a vitamin with a powerful impact on mood.
Vitamin D helps regulate serotonin production and reduces inflammation—both critical for mental health (Jones et al., 2024).
But here’s the kicker: it takes time to build levels back up after winter, and most people in Northern latitudes end the cold months with a serious deficit!
Even if your bloodwork says you’re “in range” above 30 ng/mL, that’s only sufficient to optimize your bones—not your brain health. For mood support, we’re aiming closer to 50 to 60 ng/mL.
Did you know? Women make up 80% of Seasonal Affective Disorder cases (Cotterell, 2010), which is the condition marked by depression due to low sun exposure and low vitamin D.
Sources: Mostly sun; smaller amounts in salmon, mackerel, sardines, mushrooms
Supplement Tip: Ask your provider to test your levels. If they are below 50 ng/mL, talk with your doc about supplementing. Note that some people need higher doses due to genetics or absorption issues, which are more common than many realize. These can be determined with genetic and gut tests I like to run on my clients.
Sun Tip: If your shadow’s longer than your body, you're likely not making much vitamin D. Sunscreen also blocks the UV-B rays needed for production. My recommendation: Protect your face with sunscreen but get midday sun on arms and legs for 10–15 minutes before applying sunscreen.
2. Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Your Brain’s Anti-Inflammatory Armor
Omega-3s (especially EPA and DHA) are like brain lube. They help your brain cells communicate, reduce inflammation, and protect mental health.
Sources: Fatty fish (salmon, sardines, anchovies), walnuts, chia seeds
Supplement Tip: If you’re not eating fish about 3x/week, a high-quality fish oil omega-3 can help bridge the gap. It is helpful to work with a qualified healthcare practitioner to determine your optimal dose as too much can cause imbalanced levels and also will negatively impact your health. There is an omega index test I like to run on my clients to help us optimize omega levels, and thus brain and immune health.
3. Folate (Vitamin B9): The Resilience Nutrient
Folate helps your brain build neurotransmitters and fight oxidative stress. Low folate is linked to longer, more severe depressive episodes—and can even reduce how well antidepressants work (Liwinski & Lang, 2023).
Sources: Spinach, broccoli, asparagus, lentils and other legumes
Supplement Tip: Some people benefit from supplementing with the active form, L-methylfolate. Certain genetic variants make it so some people need much more folate than what the RDA recommends. I like to run a genetic test on my clients to help us determine this. Those with specific genetic variants should be extra diligent about AVOIDING synthetic folate, known as folic acid. Read supplement and food labels to avoid those with "folic acid".
4. Vitamin B12: Mood, Memory, and Mental Energy
B12 and folate are like dance partners—they work in tandem to power biochemical reactions in our body. B12 helps make serotonin and dopamine, supports red blood cells, and powers up your energy.
Low B12 is linked to brain fog, fatigue, low mood, and poor memory (Kennedy, 2016).
Sources: Eggs, beef, salmon, trout, clams (Vegetarians MUST supplement!)
Supplement Tip: Vegetarians, older adults, or those taking acid blockers or metformin will likely need to supplement B12. As with the other nutrients, certain genetic variants make it so an individual needs a higher amount than the RDA (again, this can be determined with a simple genetic test). A supplement may be needed even with a solid diet.
5. Vitamin B6: The Neurotransmitter Enabler
B6 is your behind-the-scenes assistant. It helps convert protein amino acids into serotonin and dopamine, keeping your brain chemistry on point. Low levels are linked to irritability, PMS symptoms, and trouble coping with stress (Tsujita et al., 2019).
Sources: Bananas, chicken, potatoes (with skin), avocados, sunflower seeds
Bonus Tips to Boost Mood Naturally:
Eat colorfully: Aim for at least 1 cup of veggies and/or fruits per meal to nourish your gut and brain.
One protein portion per meal: Protein not only provides the raw materials to form brain chemicals, but it also helps to stabilize blood sugar (along with fat and fiber). Stable blood sugar is needed for a stable mood.
Therapy maps the path forward, and nutrition provides the fuel to get you there. Together, they fine-tune the body’s operating system for real change.
Have questions for Lindsay?